Jesusland End-Timers Gated Communities--For Sale Now

The Value-voters summit is in town. Over 2,000 participants from the Christian Right are listening to possible Republican presidential candidates and panelists on a wide variety of subjects that all are aimed at the Christian right. One particularly troubling presentation was a radical re-interpretation of the First Amendment, which asserted that while Congress is prohibited from passing any law on establishing religion; every other branch of government, including Governors can do so. This is the fundamentalist view of interpreting any texts, including the Bible, a strange hermaneutic that defies tradition or background to the text itself. Usually, I get outraged at this. But now I think it could be a good commercial venture.

For those Americans, who wanted to live according to biblical laws (another school of the Christian nationalist movement) and who fear that Obama is going to take away the 200 million registered guns and that gold is the only hedge on global economic collapse, I propose the creation of Jesusland End-Timers Gated Communities. White Americans, who believe we are in the end time and that Obama is the Anti-Christ, can find security and comfort (please, we need comfort) in these gated communities. Each family can purchase an attractive home with a built-in gun safe and a vault for gold bullion. The center of the community will be the Church--not the nice white New England style architecture--but a church cum shopping mall. Any schoolchildren can be home-schooled or attend the Church school and be awarded for their academic excellence with trips to a Creation Museum, where they will learn how children used to play with dinosaurs. Each home will have cable access to Pat Robertson's television network and Fox News. The facility will have closed circuit surveillance cameras and be guarded by veterans of Blackwater. Military veterans will be allowed and indeed encouraged to form militias to patrol the perimeter of the compound. To maintain the racial tension that encouraged so many residents to move into these communities, we will have the grounds kept by illegal Mexican immigrants. This would serve as group bonding and an occasion to remember the original reason for moving there.

The gated community will only encourage "real Americans" to apply. Government services will be strictly volunteer-based--fire department, police, and water supply, which will not be fluoridated, and sewer and garbage disposal. Inhabitants would have to forgo any pensions--military or government--they are entitled to, Medicare or Americare benefits so as to escape the taint of socialism. Leading corporations will be encouraged to open stores in the mall and indeed it will be required to shop at the company store for provisions. In the case of the Rapture, local atheists will be recruited to take care of all pets to provide residents with the comfort knowing their cats and pooches are being taken care of, even though they have been left behind. At this time, Blackwater guards will take the gold away in armored trucks because residents won't need it anymore.

The possible locations for these Jesusland End-Timer Gated Communities will be many. For the militia types, there will be a compound in Idaho and another along the Mexican border. For the neo-confederates, what better places than the scenic areas along in Gulf Coast in Alabama and Missippi? For the tenth amendment crowd, there will be a grand community erected near the Alamo. And for Mormons, there will be a community in Missouri, the location where Jesus ,according to the book of Moroni, will return.