Only Dead Fish Go With the Flow--Don't Ya Know

This afternoon Sarah Palin tweeted her lawyer's threats to the entire blogosphere. Her lawyer-- one Thomas Van Flien (last name underlined)--threatened all blogs, Washington Post, Huffington Post and the entire Internet with the exception of Al Gore with lawsuits charging defamation of character if anyone suggested that Sarah Palin was under investigation for any corruption charges. He then goes into delicious detail about the charges surrounding the construction of Palin's Lake Lucille home only raising more questions. Comments on Shannyn Moore's website suggested that the only people who act this way are scientologists, who use poison-pen lawsuits as their modus operandi. And come to think of it--Sarah Palin's national political adviser is a high-ranking scientologist. Coincidence?

This all underscores the need for another Anonymous to emerge to write the novel. It's too good to pass up. A former beauty contestant marries an Eskimo man, lives in a small town marked by huge gravel pits on each side, breeds a gaggle of children, who are named like Hobbits, gets drafted to run for mayor, is supported by a secessionist movement and eventually becomes Governor of the State. All the time her Iron Man snowmachine champion husband acts as muscle and suspects his wife has had at least two affairs, thereby closing two businesses. Their son slashes the tires on at least 24 school busses and is caught and given the choice of prison or enlisting in the military. Her daughter gets pregnant to a local layabout, whose mother deals in Oxycontin and meth. And, a presidential nominee, desparate for some energy in his flagging campaign, impulsively decides to pick the young Governor as his running-mate.

There are alot of side characters that make it interesting--her local pastor who believes the anti-Christ will be gay; his sidekick--a Kenyan witchdoctor, who lays his hands upon the Governor willing God to open doors for her. The lawyer Van Flien, who is always threatening anyone who questions her actions. The addled-brained and thoroughly corrupt Senator, on whose PAC she sits before he is indicted. She was for the bridge to nowhere before she was against it. Or we have the construction firm, which is awarded the contract to building a sports facility for the hometown even though they will never be able to pay for it in a hundred years.

On her appearance on the national stage, she morphs into Spiro Agnew, slamming the Democratic candidate, throwing red meat to an unusually starved Republican convention. Her media appearances are a disaster, sparking off late night parodies of her but she rebounds with bloodchurdling rhetoric at political rallies, where she attacks the Democratic opponent of coddling terrorists and being anti-American. Her rallies far outdraw the elderly Senator, who is running at the top of the ticket. A star is born. After a tour of the country's best shopping malls, she gets the fever and wants to become the Leader of the Free World.

It would enable the creators of Northern Exposure to revamp the series for a more post-modern look and sensibility. There is so much there already for comic genius. It's like the Beverly Hillbillies writ large. The Governor even sends out $3,000 for every citizen based on the oil revenues of the state. While Jed Clampett had a shotgun,the Moose lady has automatic weapons with which she slays every living beasts in the forest. This is a story for "real Americans".