What Would Abbie Hoffman Do To Stop The Koch Brothers?

This has gone viral. So let me take a stab. First, you have to adopt the Yippie creed of humor and surrealism to go after the Koch Brothers. Stay off the real heavy stuff about their being the country's worst polluters and buying politicians left and right. Second, you have to update the modes of protest. It can't be Woodstock Nation or hallucingens. Third, you have to make sure your timing is perfect. In some ways, the real question is what would Hunter Thompson do to stop the Koch Brothers. Hunter after all burned down McMansions built in Aspen to protest their spoiling the view and was never caught.

Flash Mobs. For such villains, I favor hitting all their political and corporate meetings with flash mobs to create total chaos. But this can't just be done only once. This must be an on-going process to hit them everywhere they appear.

Attacking Them with Paint Balls. Whether at the New York Ballet or Rancho Mirage, Charles and David Koch should be attacked by paint ball assassins who make their hit and escape into the crowd. This should happen as many times a possible to enforce their paranoia.

Shave the Heads of All Politicians Who Are Bought By Them. A technique used in WWII against collaborators--mostly female--but could be a dramatic technique brought to the United States. All that is needed is to use electric razors to make a single cut down the person's head so that it would be noticed for weeks.

Revamp the Billionaires for Wealthfare. This parody group dressed in evening formal wear acted as a protest group during Americans for Prosperity rallies. This time they should hold large pictures of Hitler and Stalin as reminders of where the original Koch fortune comes from. Alongside, one of the tuxedo wearing protestors should hold a Photo of Benito Mussolini, Fred Koch's favorite politician.

Perpetual Pickets Outside Koch Industries Headquarters. Although the brothers aren't there much, it would be good to have an endless string of protests on a variety of Koch crimes. These should change after a few days for variety sake and for the employees' amusement.

Silent Protests at their Residence. A few lonely people holding signs with photos of the Koch Brothers Nazi war criminal relatives should go over well in Manhattan. In Wichita, however, there would have to be another theme.

Award the Koch Brothers Fictitious Doctorates from Legimate Universities. For example, if it hasn't been done yet, a doctorate to David Koch from MIT for his Cancer Institute. Just the invitation and the back and forth between David Koch and the University would be great fun.

Organize Petitions for the Koch Brothers to Seize State Power Plants. Instead of moaning about discovering how Scott Walker was planning to give away the power plants, demand that it be done openly and publically. Once word was out, the Koch Industries fled from the ideas, saying they would not bid on the power plants. That's not good enough. You bought the government, then you should openly be awarded. And the ceremony for transfer demands the presence of the Koch Brothers. What a nice place to ambush them.

Rename Polluted Rivers after the Koch Brothers. I would first try this out on the Arknasas River that has been so polluted by the Koch-owned Georgia paper mills. The river had been a favorite fishing place and recreational center for people in the region. At the renaming ceremony, invite all the fishermen of the region to express their thanks.

Cut Internet ads for the Koch Brothers--"Hating America Since FDR" . Animated Charles and David could list all the Presidents the family is on record for hating.

Mail the Carcasses of Extinct Species to their offices and residences. This would honor their historic role in funding every study that pretends climate change is a hoax.

Give the Unemployed Vouchers for Jobs at Koch Industries. A small payment to an unemployed person could get a stream of them visiting the company demanding a job.

If they have private yachts or planes, Abbie Hoffman would blow them up.

Create a Board Game like Monopoly that voters can play at home. You land on a space and can buy Scott Walker and the state of Wisconsin. Or another throw and you get a no-bid Defense Contract. A whole family can play.

I will refrain from suggesting cutting porno scenes of the Koch Brothers engaging in sex with their politicians. That would be too gruesome to watch.

See it's easy. You too can pretend you're Abbie Hoffman. But beware, David was arrested for protesting when in college. He may be hip to these tricks.